More than love?
What does it take to make a relationship work? Love? But of course! However, i wonder if couples who are married for 10-20 years feel love all the time for each other. No i do not wonder, i doubt. I think that in every relationship, there must come a point when love falls far below the levels of Absolutely-Fabulous and drops down to the levels of Absolutely-No-Idea-Where-It-Is. Why not? Its not like we fall in love and stop evolving. We are two different personalities that grow and evolve everyday and we are not the same as when we met the first time. If we had differences to begin with, those differences have widened. If we had no issues, now we do!
So how is it possible that I see couples who date for ten years and then they are suddenly married for five years? And they look absolutely happy doing all this. Do they defy the laws of evolution and stay exactly the same with the passage of time? Do they never make mistakes in their relationships? Or are they simply aliens living among us pretending to love each other and look happy and innocent, all the while planning a covert operation to take over our planet?!
None of the above!
Its really quite simple. Unlike Love, Relationship is not a condition. Its a choice. We choose to be in a relationship. And when we do so, we do more than just love. We commit. We commit ourselves to the relationship and to our partner for a lifetime. Commitment helps us to keep the relationship up and running with widening differences and issues flying over our heads and motivates us to come out of all the chaos and make that love spark again.
Commitment makes us want to communicate, talk about our problems and try to fix it. Commitment does not guarantee that it will work out. However what is does guarantee is that we try everything we can to make it work. And that’s important. We owe atleast that much to the person we love loved. And that effort can have surprising results for many couples.
However, commitment does not just happen like that. It, too, is a choice. Its a decision based on the level of respect we feel for each other. Its based on the time we had together. Its based on all the experiences and all the sacrifices that defines our relationship.
When we realize all this, we will know that they are really not aliens out there, threatening us and our planet! Just couples who not only respect and love each other but are also committed to their cause. Their relationship.
Nicely Written! Facing similar phase in my life. In my four years of “strong” relationship, i’ve changed tremendously. My uncertain evolution was not pretty much appreciative to my girlfriend. At the same time, my growing career clearly appreciated this change. Now i don’t have enough energy to have a discussion with her to solve all problems. I need a break! Stay Well.
Hey tanzim I feel like I know you from NSU…anyway im glad that you liked my post
I just wanted to say that if your uncertain evolution is not appreciated by your girlfriend then she is obviously not willing to commit to that level, atleast not right now. However, I do feel that a discussion is in order no matter if it leads to a solution or not. If you respect her as an individual, you will know that you owe atleast that much to her, no matter if you have any energy left or not. I wish you all the luck in your personal life as well as work life. I hope you find the right balance 
wow! simin, this whole thing of relationship, commitment, love, hate, fight, compromise – are so very much complicated issues that most of the people doesn’t understand the whole scenerio and just rides on the boat and goes with the flow ! But you described the whole thing is such a logically implicated way that i seriously am speechless. Trust me while reading, it felt like you are just being my mind reader. I often ask all those questions to myself and not always get the answers like you did. Very nicely written. You got a hand in writing, so quit the bank and start writing. and all the best buddy
@ pavel thanks for visiting my blog and liking it too
i know these are very complicated issues and i realize there may be more than one answer and it may differ from one relationship to another since every relationship is unique and every experience is different . Anyway, im glad that this blog answers your questions as well. It’s just how i feel right now and helps me understand my own situation better. As for giving up banking, its not even funny how many times in a day i think about it…but we all know how it works right? 
hmm…. a very complicated topic to talk about.
But indeed a nice post. As pavel bhai mentioned, these topics are so complicated that it burns out our head while looking for a logical explanation. I think, if people think love as a close-friendship, life becomes much easier. Well… keep on posting.. 
nicely written..this is so true….like commitment..compromisation is also a big part of a relationship, but it has to come from both side.
I decided to pay a sudden visit on your messy corner and I was
WOWed after reading this post. Nice piece of work! Carry on Simin!
.. but let add a little.
Relationship is not a condition. It’s a choice. A choice based on condition(s). As long as we see commitments are reciprocal, a relationship exists between two souls.
“No demands, no complains” are signs of foolish acts. It’s okay to have ups and downs in a relationship. It’s also okay if someone breaks commitment when one does not feel the rhythm anymore. Change is the only constant in human race.
I like the way your thoughts are organized. it’s much easier read than written, specially on a topic where the brain sort of is in overdrive
@ fahmim thanks! that’s exactly why i come here to take the mess out of my head and organize it a bit…its still messy but atleast its organized mess..in my head it gets crazy! thanks for reading my blog…you’re really helping me come out of my blog burnout phase that i go through every now and then…esp now :S i feel kinda bloggy again!
nice, me likes !
tumar talent to dekhi baalti upchaya portese 
jokes apart, nice write up. finding the balance is a very tough job indeed, we all try, tried, trying, i just hope that everyone finds it at the proper time in their lives.
Relationships are so complex. I just got out of a messy breakup and this definitely gave me a new perspective on things. I think this is very true about relationships…it just sucks when someone decides you aren’t enough to commit to, but oh well. Anyways, thanks for the insight. I really like the way you write
i just came across ur blog.. i’d really like to read more. hope you start writing again. cheers !!